Oops, I Did It Again
|
Oops! I did it again!
So you are licking your wounds. Your relationship came to a bad end. Your fairy prince turned into a swine. The romance that started magically in your dream castle ended up in a grotty sty. As for your swain, well, he ended up smelling of a number of things; but roses was not one of them.
Naturally, your confidence has been dented. Somewhere along the line your judgement was a bit skewed on that one. But you are not going to let it put you off men for life. Besides, you are the kind of woman who needs to have a man in your life.
It is all about learning from the experience, you reflect. So you take a long, hurt look at the relationship and you decide how you want the next man to be different. Maybe you will try looking for someone who is the opposite of your previous partner, or maybe you are looking for someone to sweep you off your feet and make it all alright. Either way, things look pretty promising at the start, and then you start getting a whiff of the sty all over again.
Oops! It has happened again. Logic suggests that there is more to this than simple coincidence. Now you start to feel concerned. What do you have to do to stop falling for bad men from turning into a habit? Is there a way to avoid these pratfalls in the future?
The single most powerful thing you can do to protect yourself from further heartache and confidence-bashing failure is to acquire self-awareness. You need to start becoming aware of the patterns that you keep repeating in relationships; the patterns that keep attracting the wrong men.
You may enjoy playing the little woman, but resent being dismissed as a fluffy airhead. You may want your partner to be the masterful type, yet resent feeling controlled. The strengths you are looking for in a man, may be an attempt to compensate for your own shortcomings. You may want a man to propel you out of your dull, routine existence into a more exciting world.
One big problem women have with relationships, is that they work on their assumptions. Now, there is a vast gulf that separates intuition from assumptions. Intuition is that instantaneous, inexplicable nugget of information that lands in your lap. You can choose to act on it; or ignore it, at your peril. Assumptions are the expectations that you hold of your partner, irrespective of the evidence.
Assumptions are also curiously hardy creatures. They can be proved wrong time and time again. Yet, instead of questioning the assumption, the temptation is blame the person who has disappointed your expectation. You say: He should have known: He should have doneŚ I should not have to spell it out.
It would all work perfectly if your partner had a degree in mind reading. Unfortunately, he does not. Neither do you, although you may sometimes act as if you did have. The next most accurate way to have a clear idea about what is going on is to ask questions, and keep asking.
Some of the questions you might ask yourself include:
What characteristics (not physical features) do I find attractive in him?
Are these the same characteristics I responded to in previous partners, at the start?
Does this person take charge of the relationships?
Are there niggles that I feel, but do not actually discuss with him?
Does he have a past history of people not appreciating him? Do you?
Does he overstep boundaries by foisting opinions on you?
Does your body go into stress mode around him, ever?
Do you feel that things are starting to move outside your control?
Is he moving events on faster than you might wish?
Can you incorporate this person comfortably into your existing lifestyle, or do you have to drop people to accommodate him?
Most of us seem to treat relationships like a hot tub at the end of a hard day's work - something that looks good when we are feeling tired and grubby. So we dive straight in. We do not test the water temperature too carefully. We do not check for broken glass, baby alligators or other unforeseen hazards; because we assume they will not be there.
Generally, we exercise some thought and care when we purchase a household pet. Do you honestly take as much trouble to acquaint yourself with the needs and requirements of a prospective partner? Or do you simply plunge headfirst into the relationship? Is that another of your unhelpful patterns? Acknowledging it is the first step on the road to kicking it.
(C) Annie Kaszina 2004
Annie Kaszina
Joyful Coaching
An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie is passionate about helping women attract the relationships they want. Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com Websites: http://www.joyfulcoaching.com, http://www.anniekaszina.com To Order Annie's book 'The Woman You Want To Be': http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
|
|
|
Ten Great Holiday Dates For Singles
Dating during the holiday season can be a special treat. Of course, in order to fully experience this you may need to re-order some priorities and make time for yourself and your own personal needs. Don't give into the temptation to put your social life on hold unt...(related: Dating Tip)
5 Mistakes Men Make On The First Date
The number one mistake made by men on the first date is trying to buy love. The first date is not a marriage proposal; it's merely an opportunity to measure compatibility. If it doesn't work out, you will have spent all that cash on a fancy restaurant and red roses for nothing. Unfortunately, the IRS has not declared bad dates to be tax deductible expenses.Even if the first date leads to a second one, it might be going there for all the wron...(related: Dating Tip)
How To Gain Her Trust From The Start
For a woman to have sex with a guy, she must not only be attracted to him, but she must also trust him. Look at it like this:1. Trust Without Attraction = "He's a great friend and I...(related: Dating Tip)
You Dont Have To Be A Genius To Write A Love Poem
Love poems are a wonderfully romantic gesture and can often express your thoughts far more eloquently than verbal communication.If you have some talent with words, why not take a few moments and try your hand at writing a poem for your lover? Just sit down and list all the reasons why you think they're special. Then put those thoughts into some kind of free verse format: a column of lines, roughly the same length, which may rhyme but don't need to.Take some time to read over what you've written and you'll get a few ideas on how to improve a line or phrase. The point is to express your feelings as honestly and clearly as possible. Simplicity is the key. And if you're really motivated, you can spend half an hour of prep time reading so...(related: Dating Tip)
Faster, Cheaper, Better P2p Online Dating Software
There is one thing we all know for certain when it comes to the internet. That is that each year someone will come up with a way to do things faster, better and cheaper. Well, that time has come in the world of online dating...(related: Dating Tip)
Does The Free Basic Membership Find You A Date?
When it comes to online dating many people think that by signing up for just a free membership that they will get good results. The fact is this doesn't usually work. Unless you write a really outstanding profile your response will be poor.The problem is that if no one signs up for a paying membership to these services then you wont get a response. Some of the big networks like Match.com have hundreds of thousands of paying members. The problem is they also have millions of actual profiles online many of witch are people signed up for free.Now what I'm getting to is that the large services get flooded with tons of profiles, but no one is talking to each other if no one is paying.I'm not saying that free profiles are worthless. I actually recommend for you to sign up for many free...(related: Dating Tip)
Dating Rules - Show Tolerance, Be Easy
You should show a tolerant and open-minded attitude towards many subjects. Imagine the following sentences:A: "All bugga-huggawoks always make trouble. I hate them"
B: "Bugga-huggawoks are often difficult. Some of them are OK though".
Now, whatever bugga-huggawoks are, sentence B seems to be more reasonable. If you start sentences like A and insist that there are no exceptions and get angry then
- you involve yourself in an uneasy talk
- you show intolerant temper
- you show extreme attitudes ("all", "always","hate")
- you show that you have less knowledge than someone who says sentence B (because he knows good bugga-huggawoks and you don...(related: Dating Tip)
Dating Tips That Work- Which Of The Three Types Of Women Should You Be Dating?
When most "dating gurus" and sex therapists spout their dating tips, they often complicate the whole process with unusable theory and psychobabble.I'm going to by...(related: Dating Tip)
Adult Personals ? Fulfilling Your Fantasies Through Adult Dating Websites
People are talking about adult personals. There's no doubt about it. As regular dating sites are seen as too tame to meet their adventurous needs people are posting adult personals through adult dating websites. Every day thousands of people seeking alternative lifestyles write uncensored adult pers...(related: Dating Tip)
Dating Advice For Those Just Getting Back On The Dating Wagon!
Dating is a daunting prospect, especially for those who've been off the circuit for a while. Here's a little dating advice to help you back on the dating wagon.1.Remember this is a date for your partner also. They are also going to be nervous and worried whether they are doing/saying the "right thing". Be yourself,...(related: Dating Tip)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Disclaimer/Webmaster | Links Resource | All Rights Reserved. | Dating Tip